


Dark Paradise

by UnicornBliss



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Changing Tenses, Hallucinations, M/M, Panic Attacks, Virtual relationship??, established death of a character, hanil, johnil, will add more tags later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-12 21:18:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9091195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnicornBliss/pseuds/UnicornBliss
Summary: Everytime taeil closed his eyes, it was a dark paradise.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Based off lana's dark paradise. Supposedly a Halloween fic rip but trust me it's not the kind of fic you're expecting heh have fun I guess

Tears of hot alkaline cascade down on flushed skin, melancholic eyes stare into the distance where the full moon met the black ocean, and heavy slow breaths fill the serene air. 

 

It is the night after the funeral, the day Taeil’s soul escaped his body along with his lover’s and yet he wonders, how am I still breathing ?

 

•

 

“Taeil.”

 

Gently, Hansol’s hand brings Taeil’s face up so he surveys his pallid face. 

 

“Life goes on.”

 

Taeil’s lips tremble slightly, tears threaten to fall but they remain intact and he resents to blinking wordlessly. Hansol rarely ever spoke, and to hear him speak out just for his sake only proved how seriously concerned he must've been about his colleague. 

 

Nothing much is said after, the blonde’s lips pressed into a thin line while his brows met in between, watching his one year and a half friend succumb to his emotions silently, painfully. Death was inevitable for mortals, yet it was always impossible to expect it. No preparations ,nor red carpets were thrown when it arrives all of a sudden, in a split second, a mere heartbeat snatching the life of a loved one, and the happiness of those around. 

 

Taeil understands, and it shocks him how even after several weeks, his heart sustained numerous barriers and locks preventing him from gushing his emotions out and breaking down at the loss of his boyfriend , Johnny. 

 

“Cry, please .”

 

Taeil spares the taller a glance, wrapping his fingers around hansol’s shaking hand and returning it to his side before whispering inaudibly. 

 

“I'll be fine.”

 

•

 

Among the darkness that enveloped taeil’s frail body, slowly giving in to the toxic thoughts eating his flesh up and stealing the sparkle from his hazel eyes, a silent melody is played in his head and the owner of the piece is none but Johnny. They stared up at the ceiling where nothing but his memories flashed like a sad movie, like every night he spent before losing himself to sleep. 

 

They. Him and Johnny. 

 

Johnny who sat by the window, moon’s light casted on his expressionless peaceful face that breathed hope into taeil’s broken pieces and mended them one by one. It's a dream, a nightmare perhaps but taeil’s far too desperate to complain. He's lost his mind and heart, probably soul all for the man who held the air in his lungs and allowed him to breath (and choke). 

 

“Why’re you here ?”

 

Johnny’s fringe falls to his eyes when he turns his face towards taeil’s bed. A small smile finds its way to his awfully pale face before he speaks softly.

 

‘I'm here because you need me.’

 

A breath hitches in the smaller’s throat and he struggles to stay awake, blinking several times before exhaling loudly . 

 

“You’re dead.”

 

Johnny’s chuckle echoes in his room and repeats itself in his ears, causing chills to crawl up his skin. 

 

‘Then how come do you see me?’

 

Taeil doesn't know, and he prefers to stay unknowing. He’s more concerned about Johnny leaving soon and never coming back and it aches to realize how insane he's become since the latter’s departure. 

 

A single tear falls from his eyes but a broad smile comes with nonetheless . Johnny imitates his expression, turning back again to stare at the moon, lashes resting on his cheekbones momentarily as he breathed in, almost scaring his lover from how long he's been inhaling nonstop.

 

‘I've missed your scent.’

 

•

 

Sleep was one cure besides time, and taeil’s senses had long given into the only numbing factors in his life. Helpless, he sought his bed most days, sniffing the remnants of his lover’s presence and wishing his scent remained forever. The doorbell’s ringing cuts through his deep slumber and he's awakened by the increasingly loud knocks interrupting the normally silenced apartment. A soft grunt, a heaved sigh, and heavy reluctant steps before the sounds cease to exist and the owner of the noise is face to face with him. It was surprisingly the last person taeil’s expected, not for the fact that he wouldn't be one to check up on him, but the fact that hansol almost never induced any noise apart from the subtle creaks of his chair whenever he got off duty from beside taeil’s desk. 

 

“Taeil,” he pants breathlessly, beads of sweat tittering his face and a layer of worry lacing his round eyes. “Good god.”

 

“Hansol?”

 

Tall and blond steps into the apartment without a second thought, a plastic bag in one hand and suitcase in the other. Taeil watches in slight perplexion, unable to grasp the new side of his colleague. Too entranced by the unexpected presence of hansol, taeil misses out on the few tears hanging at the taller’s lashes and threatening to expose his buried emotions. It was all too new, a hansol with emotions and fears, expressions and sound. Not that taeil had found in it anything repelling, rather the opposite. 

 

“I got you breakfast- well, lunch by now- and a few necessities for your kitchen. Your landlord told me you've been locked here for quite some time, I figured you'd be out of food by now. “ 

 

Taeil chews on his chapped lips, stealing glances from the Chinese cuisine plastic bag and hansol’s shaking hands. 

 

“-and pills. “ hansol pauses tentatively , gulping before speaking with much caution.”if you need them, of course.”

 

He brings the packet of sleeping pills for Taeil to observe, blinking repeatedly at the shorter male who silently grabbed it only to toss it onto the nearby couch. “I sleep well though.”

 

“Just in case.”

 

“Thanks, I guess.”

 

They stand awkwardly for a few seconds, the clock ticking obnoxiously and filling the void hanging between their shared glances and timid gestures until hansol speaks with a croak, bringing taeil’s attention back to him. 

 

“How have you been?”

 

Taeil’s response is far from what hansol’s expected .

 

“For how long are you planning to be like this?”

 

“Like what?”

 

Hansol’s hands grow stiff at his sides, posture frozen and cold sweat creeping down his back. Taeil stares at him, devoid of emotion. 

 

“Let me be-”

 

“Please ,” hansol starts shakily, finally stepping closer and breaking the ice barrier he and taeil have built up unknowingly. Or perhaps it was always here but never regarded with any piece of mind. Perhaps even both.

 

“Please don't do this to yourself.” He stretches his hands before retreating them back almost immediately , curling and uncurling his fingers at his thighs as if in constant hesitation. Taeil’s eyes never spare him, boring into his own restless ones and igniting the withered feelings inside him further. It was hard to resist, and even harder to express. 

 

“You're wasting your time and energy , Hansol. “

 

It's the calmest tone yet the saddest words taeil’s ever managed in a long while. Hansol’s lips tremble at the painful sight, a man too young to lose himself and too precious to hold a dead heart, and an equally dead face. He's always believed the older’s face was made to shine along with his vibrant smiles and even though they lasted a short while, they had their long lasting effect on him and others. It was the subtle and strong taeil who kept him going on at days, even though he’d realized it only a little late and eventually regret not having him all to himself selfishly. For someone’s had his heart already and as quick as it had happened, similarly Taeil’s lover departed sooner than anyone’s predictions. 

 

“I’ll never give up on you.”

 

Whispered into the silence enveloping them and bringing taeil’s eyes back to his own, a much more decipherable emotion clouding them. Hansol musters a smile, a bitter one but nonetheless encouraging and full of hope . He watches taeil as he moved around reluctantly, pulling the bag of Chinese food and unwrapping whatever hansol has bought him only to take a bite out of it, glancing at him after as if searching for any signs of satisfaction. The blond man wipes the sauce clinging onto taeil’s lips before nodding in response, mouth curved in a small grateful smile. 

 

“Thank you.” He whispers softly, retreating his hand back to his lap and stroking it into his other, relishing in the brief contact it had with taeil’s cold skin. They eat together much to hansol’s liking, stealing brief glances once in awhile and biting back the many questions hanging in between them, unspoken and left for each other’s comfort. Taeil’s breathing is shallow, the taller male notes when he finds himself observing him all too closely, as if tracking every breath that escaped his frail body and monitoring his state. 

 

Despite taeil’s objections, hansol ends up washing the few dishes they’ve used. Taeil relents to wiping the dinner table while staring too hard at an unspecific spot on the wooden surface. There are faint whispers flooding his ears, distant cries unidentified and triggering his pent up worries about his questionable meetings with his deceased lover. The sounds grow louder with each ticking minute, the mop in his hand squeezed until its begging for mercy, released the moment a large hand came atop of taeil’s to halt his irregular movements. 

 

“Taeil,” he calls sternly, a hint of underlying concern clearly depicted as he held the older in his arms, noting the tremors running down his spine. 

 

Taeil’s voice gets stuck in his throat, pushing past the air clogged in his lungs and suffocating him gradually. It feels like a firm grip situated around his neck, restraining any desperate calls from escaping his lips- any source of life from reaching him. It was a call for death, a wish he’d asked for during many lonely nights but right now, surrounded by hansol’s embrace he wants nothing but another chance. Johnny’s image flickers in front of him, a vague look peering into his own bleary one before it's all black.


End file.
